How

How can one love, when his beloved is gone?

Not gone in her flesh but done and moved on.

 

She left in the day

He was unable to see

She left in her way

He was left on his knees

 

How can one breathe when love left him alone?

Believing that freedom would bring her back home…

 

He never knew stillness

She never knew herself

He couldn’t receive

She couldn’t ask—help

 

How can he think when nothing makes sense?

And emotions flood in—and over again?

 

Mercifully, night comes

And torment subsides

Until waking and anguish

Together, arrive.

 

How can he forgive when forgiveness demands?

And convulsions of blame soil only his hands.

 

It can’t all be him but today there’s no other.

Tomorrow reveals, she won’t be recovered.

 

How? I love her.

 

I look to her but she feigns not to see.

Her smile grips my throat—a message for me.

 

Secession, ascension…elation

 

My fear, my only ambassador, exposes my strain.

 

Dismissed, convicted…dying

 

Death seems better…

Unceasingly living with your absence

Alone, I witness our distant plans betrayed—and unlived memories murdered.

 

—no one to appeal to.

No justice.

 

How I want you…

How I want you to see me.

 

At once you are my savior and demon.

I need you to see your sin and perfection.

But it’s all me. Incessant affliction!

 How …?

 

-Ron Renaud

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